


Secret Keeper

by gwynseren



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Baby Harry Potter, Bad Decisions, First War with Voldemort, Foreshadowing, Friendship, Godric's Hollow, Pre-Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwynseren/pseuds/gwynseren
Summary: The decision of who was going to keep their location a secret was a decision that ultimately lead to their deaths, tore up a friendship group, saw Sirius imprisoned and cost Harry the chance of being raised by a Godfather who knew and loved his parents. A pivotal plot point for the entire series – so why did James and Lily Potter pick Peter Pettigrew as their secret keeper? This is a short, standalone fic about that night, with nods to the immortal and unconquerable The Shoebox Project.





	Secret Keeper

"I guess, you know, he’s got a point. They’ll all expect it to be him.”

Against the window, the rain is inhuman. James thinks he has never known a storm like it. Or perhaps he has, but back then it would have just been a storm and nothing more - just a bit of mad rain and wind and maybe he would have even been out in it, wet and freezing and thrilled to his bones that didn’t know any better – and not nearly so out of proportion and insane as this one now seems. But James is packing boxes, he has his old Gryffindor quidditch shirt balling in his hand and its redness has faded and the number is flaking off and it’s not the storm, perhaps, that’s so inhuman, but all of the rest of it.

He thinks: I have a small son.

Lily left earlier. She’d given him a kiss and a look back over her shoulder as she was closing the door. In all their short history, she’s always been thrown him looks over her shoulder. They used to be sly looks, looks that said _I know what you want from me, James Potter, and I’m not going to give it to you_ and James almost laughs at the memory of them. Then they became the sort of lingering looks that people give each other when they were supposed to be doing something else but couldn’t stop looking, and later again looks brightened by smiles and promises to see you later. But lately they have become the sort of looks that check that you’re still there, that you’re ok; but not the kind that promises you will be.

“I dunno, mate........what do you think?”

James sits down on an up-turned box. It holds his weight, but he shouldn’t be so surprised; there isn’t all that much of it left. Abdominals, he remembers, used to seem so important. Now, Lily misses the cushy softness of his stomach.

“Pete....” he takes his glasses off and cleans then with his old Quidditch shirt, “Mate......” he rubs his eyes; he is so, so tired.

When had it all become so confused? In Hogwarts lessons were lessons and mates were mates, but James is unfamiliar with doubt and he doesn’t know what to do with it now. Briefly, he blames his parents for not being around during his all-too-soon transition into adulthood - because clearly, he missed parts of it somewhere – but then he stops. There is a tiny baby in the cot in front of him and he thinks _I could do that to him_.

“Sirius....Sirius is my _best friend_.”

He says it more to himself than to Peter, forgetting for a moment that he’s not supposed to think that any audience is a safe audience, because that’s what this whole secret keeper thing is supposed to be about, isn’t it? Trust. Who does he trust? Who does he trust more than himself, more than Lily? Who does he trust for his son? James can’t help it. Every time he asks himself, the answer is always Sirius. He _knows_ he trusts Sirius. He _wants_ it to be Sirius. But Dumbledore was unmasking people to their left and their right, and there were so many of _them_ , and it was just so important and he had to be _smart_ and all of a sudden Remus had become a question mark and _of course_ Remus would know, because he knows Sirius and he would be able to find him, and maybe, like Sirius said, it would work because maybe it would throw them all of the scent. But in the end, how can you lie to something so well acquainted with deceit? To someone like _Him_? In his bones, James thinks that you just don’t. You know what you know and you stand by it.

“Well, it was Sirius’ idea. So. He asked me to come by, so I came.”

James feels guilty at that. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust Peter; it’s just that in his heart he knows it _should_ be Sirius. He looks across at his old friend. Peter is standing by the bedroom door, leaning uncomfortably on the door frame. He isn’t even sitting. Didn’t James tell him he could sit? Doesn’t he know that he can sit down, that he doesn’t need to be invited? James thinks about Peter for a moment, but soon finds that there isn’t all that much to think about. He nearly wonders why that is, but then he thinks that it’s always been like that, really.

“No one would suspect _you_ , I guess.”

What James means is: at least Peter would be safe, at least no one would come after him. It doesn’t cross his mind that it’s not what he _says_.

“They’ll all think its Sirius, because of Hogwarts.” Peter answers.

James is tempted to say _fuck what everyone else thinks they know_ but then it’s not just about him, is it? It’s about his son. If it were just him and Lily, then....but it’s _Harry_ , and how could he, knowing what they all know – what anyone who was in Hogwarts would know – about him and Sirius – how could he risk _his son’s life_ on it?

James shuts his eyes for a moment. His hand is on his wand the next, twirling. He wants it to be as simple as _who does he trust most_. But everything around him is telling him otherwise; that he has to be one step ahead, that he has to be smart, that he has to out-manoeuvre and that he has to do it _now_ , because the house is already signed for and he’s packing boxes and they have to _go_. They have to protect Harry.

Harry isn’t just his and Lily’s anymore, he realises. Harry is all the hope the Order has.

James sniffs and sits up.

“Right.”

He dashes a rouge tear from his eye and puts his glasses back on.

“Right.” He says again, but this time more forcefully. He pulls out his wand and walks over to Peter.

“No one else knows it’s you. That’s how we have to play this. Just me, you, Lily and Sirius.”

Peter’s expression is dark, but the electricity company had already cut off their power and the storm was keeping most of the moonlight at bay and so James doesn’t really think about it.

“Right.” Peter says.

“Okay,” James lifts his wand and points it at Peter, “here we go....”


End file.
